The road so far..
1. June 2012. When I started this whole shindig.About 140 lbs
2. August 2012. 130 lbs.I went so hard that summer doing insanity and eating so clean. That summer was probably the cleanest I ever ate but I can guarantee you I was not eating nearly enough protein or carbs. I ate so much fruit, lots of oatmeal and very small portions of any sort of “junk.” I was feeling pretty confident at this time though, despite my lack of knowledge. This time it wasn’t that I was eating too little on purpose. I just assumed eating clean was good enough.
3. June 2013. No clue how much I weighed here. Last year was when I really started lifting. You can see some increase in muscle but not a ton. Once I got back to school after losing that weight I let up on my eating clean pretty quickly at the dinning hall and gained a little back. I then resorted back to my restricting a bit. I went through cycles of clean eating then not, then clean eating then not; so muscle gain was really hard because my body was like wtf are you doing. And honestly at this point, I didn’t know what the hell my goals were. I just didn’t want to “get fat.”
4. Nov. 2013. About 155 lbs here. Over the summer after the 3rd picture I lifted with my boyfriend a lot and followed his football workout schedule with him. It was based around the core lifts like squats, bench, hang cleans, etc. I started to put on some more mass because I wasn’t as strict on my diet at the time. All summer I just ate what I could when I could because I worked either at the farm or farmstand all day or sometimes both.
5. This picture is from the end of March this year (2014) and I have to say I am finally finding my groove. I’ve hit some really rough patches with stress this year because its my first year of grad school and it always correlates with my body image. In January I started IIFYM and I revamped my lifting routine to actually fit my goals. Do I have abs? No, but I’m making gains so much faster than I ever have before because I’m finally accepting that I need to eat, and eat a lot. It’s so hard to accept a concept like that when you’ve feared gaining weight your entire life.
I don’t have this super duper spectacular transformation. But I value this journey so much. I’ve learned so much about my body, so much about who I am and I’m falling in love with my body. To finally do so after about 16 or so years of hating it is amazing. In no way am I devaluing other peoples transformations, but I’m glad I didn’t change over night, and that I have a long ways to go because I’ve learned so much and I know I will continue to do so.
Fear of gaining weight your entire life…yes yes yes! I’ve recently started lifting heavy and it’s so hard to realize you gotta eat more!